we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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