yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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