Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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