There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
