Where did you get a picture of my penis
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
