i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
