I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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