I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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