who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
