Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
