This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
