you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
