Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
