I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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