I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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