so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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