just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
