bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
