Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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