Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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