Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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