she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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