Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
