last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
