I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
