dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
