i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
