she kept yelling 'call me bella'
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
