PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
