You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
