FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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