I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
we're so committed to being not committed
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
