Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
