She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
