Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
