Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
