If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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