I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm drive I can fine osifer
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Randomize
