my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
