Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
