the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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