I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Randomize
