i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
