my vag is so smooth its legendary
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
