You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
why do cheetos always look like penises
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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