I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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