ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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