K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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