you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
