People in love make me want to vomit
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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