I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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