i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
