I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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