In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
