dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
